Butterflies
by Monchy
Summary: The truth is that Sebastian makes butterflies fly in his stomach. Kurt's not ready for butterflies.


**Butterflies**

The old woman sitting at the table next to his is looking at him through a pair of glasses that slide slowly down her wrinkled nose, her eyes stern-looking and disapproving. Sebastian squirms under her scrutiny, wondering what it is about him that she finds so displeasing. His clothes are soaking wet and he's probably still flushed from having run all the way from his car to the Lima Bean, but for once he's being quiet and unobtrusive, not a small feat for him, as his grandmother would say. When he was a kid, his grandmother used to tell him that candies were only for silly children, and the disapproval in her gaze had mirrored the one in the unknown woman's eyes. How he wishes he could be a silly child sometimes.

Sebastian looks away eventually, curling one hand around his cup of coffee to try and warm himself up and bringing the other one up to pinch the bridge of his nose. He doesn't want to be here, and the last thing he needs is silent disapproval from strangers. He sighs and slumps against the back of the chair, looking outside at the rain pattering against the window. He thought he had forgotten what the Lima Bean looked like, but he guesses a year in New York isn't enough to erase Ohio, or the person he'd been back then. Maybe that's why Kurt said no, after all, and maybe that's why the old lady is looking at him like that.

* * *

><p>"It's raining," Kurt murmurs, looking out the window, one hand clutching the curtain and eyes scanning the dark grey of the wet streets. It's fitting, he guesses.<p>

He turns around and finds Rachel already digging into a pint of ice-cream, humming contentedly. Strawberry cheesecake will do that to you, he thinks as he walks towards her and sits heavily by her side, immediately grasping the spoon she offers him. He digs in immediately, quietly ignoring the questioning gaze Rachel's throwing his way, her sideways glance not managing to hide her curiosity. He wonders if she wants her to ask.

"Well, Kurt, come on, what is it?" she does ask finally, not really hiding the exasperation in her tone. He did ask for an ice-cream eating session all too suddenly, after all.

He shrugs, as if he could take importance away from what he says with that simple gesture. "Sebastian asked me out." The sentence sits heavily on his tongue, like a confession.

Rachel's eyes go big and bright immediately, and she exclaims, "Kurt, that's wonderful!"

"I said no."

She deflates quickly, and Kurt spies in her expression the battle she's having against her own instincts. She wants to lecture him, but she's somehow aware that she needs to be sensitive and not push the subject; for Rachel Berry, that's progress.

"I thought you liked him," is what she says.

Kurt shrugs, unsure. He touches his ring finger, where the phantom weight of Blaine's broken promise still feels like scorching heat. He hears Rachel scoff, but she says nothing. It's been nearly eight months since Blaine and him broke the engagement off, after all, but after almost marrying a two time cheater, Kurt's not particularly sure what his love life is supposed to look like these days.

The truth is that Sebastian makes butterflies fly in his stomach. Kurt's not ready for butterflies.

* * *

><p>They found each other the moment Sebastian came to New York and entered NYADA, immediately becoming Cassandra July's new pet dancer. It had been inevitable, Kurt guesses, that they'd eventually meet and even join circles, forming a small Ohio alliance of ex-Warblers and ex-New Direction members despite their resistance. Kurt would have been happy in his Sebastian-hating universe, except that the first time they'd spoken, Sebastian had whistled and he'd said:<p>

"Damn, Kurt, are those your arms? Maybe you and I should have coffee sometime, for old times' sake. And by coffee I mean sex."

Kurt should have been pissed. Instead, he'd laughed, and so they'd become friends.

* * *

><p>The Smythe house still manages to be unpleasant, much more so when it's full of the Smythe clan. Sebastian hates that his father never really took the time to furnish it properly, and that his steps echo in the entirely too big hallways and rooms. His bedroom feels less like home than the one he has back in New York, in the apartment he shares with Jeff and Hunter. He's homesick, and he hates it.<p>

It's going to be a rainy weekend, or so Aunt Georgina announces. She's a plump woman with a too wide mouth that has always disapproved of Sebastian, and he guesses that answering her statement with _no, really? What clued you in, auntie, the fucking unstoppable rain?_ isn't his smartest move. Ohio always brings out the worst in him, and if Dad's look is anything to go by, he's going to get scolded for this later.

He really shouldn't have asked Kurt out before going back home for a family reunion. Thing is, he'd been so sure he was going to say yes.

* * *

><p>Kurt's lounging on the sofa, alone, and doing his best effort at not biting his nails. It's an old habit, but a lot of those resurfaced with his dad's cancer, and later on with the breaking of his engagement. He's not nervous, though, he just needs something that will make him stop thinking in twisting threads that take him nowhere. His hand itches to reach for the phone and call Sebastian. He doesn't dare to, and he wonders when the hell he became such a coward.<p>

* * *

><p>Rachel had said that they had chemistry, but trusting Rachel in matters of the heart was not something that Kurt would ever consider. Still, he'd known what she was talking about, with the way he and Sebastian had of throwing small barbs at each other, a game that they had devised as a way of communication.<p>

Sebastian was… Well, he was a surprise, mostly. He was quiet, as if his teenage persona had somehow drowned itself with too many hurtful words and had left space for a much lovelier intensity. He was brutally honest, in a way that had made them yell at each other more than once, but that Kurt could appreciate. _Nothing like an upfront asshole, right? _Sebastian used to say, and Kurt would laugh and tell him _not a complete asshole, Sebastian._

* * *

><p>His sister, being, well, <em>his sister, <em>is the one to figure him out. Maybe it has something to do with his sudden penchant for walking under the rain, like a tragic figure, as if he's somehow earned a period of mourning. Anything is better than celebrating little Marie's birthday with his family, even if the kid is the cutest thing in the universe.

"Is this about a boy?" she asks, her keen eyes telling Sebastian that there's no way he can bullshit her. She's not his older sister for nothing, he guesses, and she probably has the right to have a special tunnel vision into his soul.

Sebastian shrugs first, trying for non-chalant. He's wet from the rain, though, looking as miserable as he feels, and he's been reading _Sense and Sensibility, _se he's pretty much screwed here.

"I asked him out," he says in the end, throwing himself on his bed and burying his face in a soft pillow. It's not the worst place to relate his woes. "He said no."

He can feel Cat raising an eyebrow, unimpressed. This is new territory for him, and she's probably unprepared.

"You actually asked someone out?" she wonders.

"And he said no, did you miss that part?" he whines.

He hears her laugh and he wishes he could hate her, but he can't when she rubs at the small of his back and then leans on top of him, her head a warm weight against his back. He can feel her shoulders shaking with quiet giggles, and he thinks that for all that he loves her, she sometimes feels like a caricature put on this world by a psychotic god with the sole purpose of torturing him.

"Cat, don't laugh, this is awful! Today I saw a stupid couple laughing under the rain and I almost cried, for God's shakes."

"Oh my God, baby Bas," she says, laughter now full of round sound.

"I'm glad I amuse you."

"Is that why you were so rude to Aunt Georgina?"

Sebastian shrugs. "I did that because she's awful."

Cat laughs yet again, but as she does so, she reaches out for his hair and cards her fingers softly in it, so she can soothe him with circling caresses.

"Now, tell me about this boy."

And Sebastian does.

Sebastian has butterflies in his stomach; he's going to have to kill those butterflies.

* * *

><p>Kurt considers wandering under the rain for a full minute, and by the time he realizes the idiocy of his behavior, he's already soaking wet. He runs towards the closest covered place, and lays back against the window of a shop to wait the rain out. There's a couple next to him, huddling close together, and as luck would have it, Blaine right beside them. Kurt scowls but says nothing, quickly looking away. Blaine, being Blaine, doesn't take the hint.<p>

"Hey, Kurt," he says, an actual bright smile on his face as he approaches Kurt while waving his hand hello.

"Blaine, I don't want to talk to you," he says.

Blaine frowns, like he doesn't understand, and he reaches forward for Kurt. He wraps a loose hand around Kurt's arm, saying, "Kurt, l–"

"I don't want to talk to you," Kurt repeats, bringing his arm sharply back into his own chest and away from Blaine's reach. Blaine looks confused, and Kurt's stomach turns. As he walks back into the rain, he realizes that he misses his butterflies.

That night, he calls Sebastian. He doesn't pick up.

* * *

><p>To this day, Kurt will claim that the kiss was an accident. They'd been celebrating Jeff's birthday, and it had been a quiet and lovely affair, just another dinner with a few friends and a couple of drinks. Kurt and Sebastian had been in the kitchen, sharing a comfortable silence and drinking some red wine slowly, as if even the small party of friends had felt like too much for them at the time. They were good at silences where most of their friends were as loud as they got, after all.<p>

What had come over Sebastian Kurt would never know, but he'd stood up suddenly, and not taking account of Kurt's confused expression, he'd brought his hand to Kurt's shoulder and had pulled him closer. Kurt's glass had found its way back to the counter at the same time Sebastian's hand had landed at his waist. They'd kissed, slow and deep, until the flavor of wine had left Kurt's lips.

They hadn't talked about it, not when Hunter had interrupted them with an awkward squawk, not when Sebastian had asked him out.

* * *

><p>Sebastian hears his phone ring and goes to it immediately, both fearing and hoping that it's Kurt calling. It is, and instead of picking up, he watches his name flash on his screen until Kurt seemingly gives up, and the sound of the rain outside fills the room yet again.<p>

It's late when Sebastian gets back to New York, but the moment he sees the lights and hears the noise, he breathes better. Date or no date, New York doesn't have Aunt Georgina or judgmental old ladies.

The apartment is dark when he opens the door, and he would try to walk quietly if not for the scene that greets him. Both Jeff and Hunter are on the couch, soundly asleep while some movie or other plays on the TV. Jeff's laying half on top of Hunter, breath puffing hot where his cheek is plastered on Hunter's shoulder. They look cute, and just to mortify them, he takes a picture before he goes back to bed.

It's raining here too, and he wonders what being friends with Kurt is going to be like now.

* * *

><p>Kurt can't be sure that Sebastian is avoiding him, except for the fact that he completely is. They run into each other at NYADA's cafeteria, and Sebastian makes a hasty exit that he repeats later that afternoon when they cross each other down the hallways. It's very Sebastian to be this exasperating, and Kurt hates that it makes him smile.<p>

It's later that afternoon when Kurt finally catches up to him. It's raining buckets of cold water and Kurt spies Sebastian's hunched figure as he exits NYADA, no umbrella in sight. By the time Kurt reaches him, two yells of _Sebastian! _and one exhausting run after, he's already soaking wet. Kurt steps close to him anyway, covering him with his umbrella, and for a moment, it's almost as if there's no busy street around them.

"What do you want, Kurt?" Sebastian wonders, exasperated and tired and not wanting a second let down. Kurt's the kind of person that apologizes for saying no, and Sebastian doesn't think he can bear it.

"I was thinking…" Kurt starts, sucking his lower lip into his mouth, suddenly nervous. "That thing. That thing you asked. If you would still want to do it, because, because it'd be nice. To go out. On a date."

Sebastian blinks, green eyes appearing and disappearing quickly before Kurt's gaze. Kurt thinks he's about to get rejected, but instead Sebastian grins, and says, "Is that the best you have? You do realize you sent me into a family weekend with a wounded ego, right? You're going to have to do better than that, hot stuff."

Kurt rolls his eyes, exasperated and amused in that way that he always is around Sebastian. "How about a cup of coffee on me? And you can tell me all about your evil Aunt Georgina."

Softly, wistfully, Sebastian answers, "Sounds like a plan."

Kurt smiles, and when Sebastian takes his hand as they walk towards their favorite café, the rain doesn't feel so terrible, and the butterflies are doing somersaults.


End file.
